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| 04:50pm 26/05/2006 |
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Ok five months or so with no update. Here we go.
1) Semester at Drake went well.
2) Colleen and I broke up.
3) Bartending at the Hessen Haus in Des Moines now. (Almost every Saturday)
4) Looking for an appartment in Des Moines because I'm still living in Ames.
5) Thats about it.
See you in another five months or so. |
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| Quicksand |
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| 12:01pm 01/03/2006 |
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I have found that the nursery that is Ames is quite interesting. I left Des Moines for only two years to spend my intermediate time in the "Athens of the Midwest" as it has been called. When a town more than doubles in size during the school year, you tend to find at least a couple of interesting conversations with those who enjoy waxing philosophical. Through my two years of bartending in this environment comprised of scholars, townies, hippies, farm boys, hussies, nerds, gamers, bikers, regulars, and all those not in between, I have observed and learned so much about people and their interactions that I can call upon hundreds of anecdotes and stories to apply to nearly every situation I can imagine. This in turn has allowed me to put my own life, thoughts, philosophy, and feelings in perspective.
The time has nearly come for me to bid my Athens ado and move back to Des Moines. I am incredibly happy being involved in the theatre department, and loving psychology. While I praise Ames on these fronts I also find it funny that I am so much in a hurry to leave. Ames is comprised of almost every extreme imaginable. In this aspect it is a great training ground but not a place to settle down. Unless you are studying with a very clear goal of a future job at ISU you might as well be looking at a brick wall, as it is nearly impossible to envision a future while living in Ames. A myriad people get stuck in the quagmire, never to make it out of Ames.
As I get ready to set foot on solid ground once again I am excited and worried about a specific person who is making the decision to stay behind stating that it's more convenient. Like a heroin addict that states adamantly that they can stop anytime they want to. I have a heavy heart while worrying that come time to move on they will be stuck not willing to venture past that wall. |
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| Another Day in Olmstead |
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| 11:09am 06/02/2006 |
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Im doomed to lurk the halls of Olmstead once again. Having to get a project done before my next class. I think Im going to hit Star Bar again. I went there last Monday and really enjoyed it. Great food, some good beer on tap, and its not too far from campus. Now that Im done with my shameless plug, Ive got to get back to work on my project. |
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| Stranded at Olmstead |
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| 02:58pm 30/01/2006 |
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I didn't have my independent study today due to a conflict the professor had so Im stuck here in Olmstead tapping away on my laptop. I was really hoping I would have a ton of homework to do but I finished and it's only 3pm and my lab is at 5pm.
Someone come rescue me! This place is too sterile and too evily Sodexho. (Won't know that one unless you attend Drake) |
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| Rinse. Repeat. |
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| 10:51am 26/01/2006 |
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Ive got my routine down as far as clases go and Im really having a good semester. The only thing Im having trouble with is either finding someplace to go from 11 to 12:30 to hang out or people to grab lunch with.
Not that big of a deal, especially if I could get the Drake wireless network to freaking work, even the tech guys were stumped as to why my wireless cant find the network. Anywho, time to go get my hair cut. |
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| Beer, Food, Chai... |
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| 07:17pm 22/01/2006 |
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As I wrap up my little study time here at Stomping Grounds and I sip on my after dinner Chai I realize that the biggest challenge of the upcomming semester will be getting back into the "Im a student and the Professors are more important than me" mode. After being out of school for nearly two years and tending bar at a place that houses those from age 16 to age 70 I have been living under the code that everyone is who they are no matter the age or social standing. 45 year old men come and confide in me and ask me for advice about their marraige over a few beers. 60 year olds sit and enjoy the company while sipping on Budweiser Martini's with no olive and no glass. All the while 20 year olds stare at the occasional slutty girl that bounces her way into my bar and nearly out of her attention-starved fasionable top.
I look at most of my professors now as equals, yet I look at them as an equal that I can learn from. Most of the time this doesn't go across well, as to be a professor at a University such as Drake a certain sense of egotism is needed.
For now Ill feel it out and see what professors are up for a non-automatonic student. When the time comes I will jump through hoops and bow before my masterful overlords because I have my eyes set on the horizon. |
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| Just a taste |
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| 12:50pm 19/01/2006 |
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My glorious return to Drake University's campus could be equated to a ninja revealing himself from the shadows. The professors all knew I was comming back as Ive been in contact with them for several months, but the students themselves had no idea. It was kind of fun to see some of their faces when they recognized me. After all those who were freshman at the time of my departure are all now seniors. The little tykes I grew to know and cherish are all grown up.
One day down Drake..... you think you can still handle me? By the end of this month I will make Drake my bitch once again. |
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| Bring it... |
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| 05:06pm 17/01/2006 |
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Ok Drake, you had me once. You made me want to leave you and go to a sexier university up in Ames. But you know what? Im back beatch! Nobody puts Baby in a corner! Ill see you tomorrow! |
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| School of hard knocks |
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| 03:24pm 11/08/2005 |
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Roughly a month ago the owner of the, Bar/Resturaurant/Coffee shop/Club also known as, Boheme offered me a promotion. I accepted his offer at this, daily format changing, business and joined the owners two sons as a manager. I am the first manager not related to the owner for roughly 5 years, as the owner has had very bad experiences with former managers stealing and screwing him over. So this offer is somewhat of an honor.
Pete, the owner, has left for Turkey for three weeks, and has left me in charge while he is away. With the choice of two of his sons, one of which has been working there for 6 years he chose me rather than his kin to act in his stead while he is abroad. So for the past week or so and untill the 26th I am running and operating a Bar. Its very interesting to see what its like to run a Bar/Club. I have always wanted to eventually run a resturant type establishment and I have been given the oportunity to do this for a small ammount of time.
One of the best parts of my job is managing the employees. I try to keep morale as high as possible by sitting down and having a conversation with each of our waitstaff and bartender about how they are feeling and what we could change or what they would like as far as shifts go. Already within my first month as a manager the employees have come to me and stated that they are much happier that I am handling things and getting work done. This is the single most rewarding part of my job, if I can make people happy I am doing my job correctly.
I find myself being very very busy however Im actually enjoying running Boheme and I feel like Im doing good work. If I get too stressed Im sure I will write about it here however for the time being Im just working hard and being tired, but feeling good. |
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| Philosophical Masturbation... |
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| 06:14am 01/07/2005 |
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Companionship is a strange thing. After all its difficult to trust someone when you can never completely trust anyone. Even a mothers undying love for a child that she created can be violated. Such is the nature of free will. The difficulty behind the realization of the impossibility of 100% trust between two individuals, is that its very easy to build an emotional wall. In some cases walls help people. When a drunk asshole begins to get grabby with one of my waitstaff they immediatly deal with the situation because they have a wall up, and are expecting it. However this example is on the opposite end of the spectrum from companionship. Interpersonal communication between individuals who have given eachother a large ammount of trust, a companion, is quite a bit different than strangers groping you at a bar.
The Example: Falling in love.
Falling in love implies companionship. Once an individual is emotionally, romantically, and physically in love with another individual rules, precautions, and rationality are many times swapped with a space filler called trust. We trust the person we love with every ounce of our heart. Many times they can do no wrong, no matter how much pain they may cause us, they will mend the pain and continue to help us evolve. Untill they break your heart...
The Problem: Misplaced trust.
We think we did the right thing. We trusted someone other than ourselves with our emotions, in their care we placed our fragile psyche and our rational thought due to a deep companionship called love. They, just like us can never be fully trusted with something so important. It is impossible for any one person to be 100% trustworthy. From the friend that talks behind your back to the lover that breaks your heart, no one is perfect. Nothing is 100% when dealing with emotions.
The Solution: Dont Trust Others
Simple enough. A viable option to a situation that is otherwise unavoidable. The ability to use a wall to protect yourself against being hurt by others inability to be 100% trustworthy is undeniably alluring, and easy to accomplish.
The Problem with the Solution: Humanity
No matter how depressing it is, we can not stay away from pain. As one may examine this statement, they may feel as though it is a depressed, pessimistic, and unnatural. One of the most distinct differences between western philosophy and most eastern philosophy is the idea of yin and yang. When given an example such as this:
Light and Dark
The instant feeling most have is Light is possitive and Dark is negative.
The reaction most eastern philosophers would have is that of: light needs dark just as dark needs light, they are one in the whole. Light needs Dark, Black needs White, Happiness needs Sadness.
Most people seek stability. They will have moments of joy and moments of sadness. They will live fulfilling lives and rarely be surprised by life.
Few people seek highs that ignore the rules. They ignore stability in search of intense emotions. They will live a life of breathtaking love and joy, they will also fall into times of monolithic pain and sadness. The more you go up the further you fall down.
Trusting someone is risky. Of course everything is subjective. Certain situations involving trust involve almost no risk. Minimal tasks between those that have built up a long relationship are trivial in many ways. However situations of great importance have the ability to turn brother against brother.
...so why do we still trust people?
...because no one wants 100% stability.
Along the same lines, people speak of manipulating the human genome to prevent diesease and faults in growth and development. There is a VERY thin line between genetically engineering humans to be immune to smallpox and engineering humans to be physically masterful. While on the surface a world like that in the film Gattica may be much more convenient and wonderful, however without faults we can not have breakthroughs. If everyone was more and more perfect and stable the extremes would never be tapped. The superior physical and emotional people would never reach their true potential. While most would rather not endure the low times, they are a part of the high times.
Sigmund Freud suffered from a panic disorder while he wrote his papers on anxiety neurosis.
Edgar Allan Poe suffered from severe depression and an addiction to pain killing drugs.
Vincent Van Gogh suffered from mental disorders such as schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, neurosis, and epilepsy, as well as syphilis, and gonorrhea.
These people managed to produce profound philosophy and art. All due to the fact that they experienced instability. Poe's dark stories, Freud's intense studies on neurosis, Van Gogh's beautiful and expressive artwork, all are the highs that come from the lows.
So we trust people. We risk getting hurt. We stick our heads above the clouds with the risk that we may plummet to the ground just to experience life. Some work on their walls, some work on breaking them down. While the emotional Masons will be safe the open gated adventurers will continue to rise and fall and experience everything life has to offer. So we trust the untrustable and we leave ourself open to attack, but we do so willingly because... |
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| My apologies for a brief stab at epigrammatistology... |
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| 06:48am 30/06/2005 |
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mood: buzzed and satiated
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as the leaves turn from none to some
and some to more
cars are bought
weddings are dj'd by people named george
stop lights stop, people obey
hot
muggy
and thats just indoors as i share my space
cozenous rabble swap mastication-like rituals
on the verge_____of contemplation......................................remains
as the situa_____tion doesnt seem..........................my confusion
to go as pla_____nned..............................yet only
once........................................touches
twice.....................................it
silence.........................everything
then like fire swiftly engulfing
once again cars are bought
weddings are dj'd by people named steve
because george cost too much and the floralpatternsonthetablesdoesntmatchtheweddingdressand...
once the realization of subjectivity sets in
it becomes harder and harder to shut everything out
contemplation
le____sss____leep
rumination
le___sss___leep
deliberation
le__sss__leep
consideration
le_sss_leep
recession
lesssleep
oen mroe relaization
less sleep
insomnia
i keep consciousness as my prize, at a cost
the degradation has set its course and once again
i work on the remedy as swiftly as i can
not...quite depression
not....quite sadness
not.....quite anything
actually quite comforting
again....dawn is viewd from the wrong
.....en d as it is
every..day then once i rest my
shoul.ders i fall back into submission
realizing that when i shut my eyes
the world goes away
i have no knowledge
i have no feelings
i sleep
i lose consciousness
the one thing i have mastery over is taken
Thats why I fucking hate sleep. |
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| Into the void... |
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| 07:23am 28/06/2005 |
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If there were a news reporter standing outside my window updating the un-expecting public of the intricacy of my life and my exploits, he, or she, might inform the masses that I had quite an interesting night on the twenty-fifth of June, that just happened to be a Saturday. The evening started off as I had to leave my well laid plans to drive my friends Adrian and Chinmoy to Omaha for their show. You see my good friends, I had aforementioned, play a pair of stringed instruments and are quite good at what they do. I may be joining this dynamic duo in their guitar strumming in the near future, however this is a digression of the topic at hand. I was to be their ride to Omaha, and help them set up for their show. My plans of over three months were abandoned on the side of the road when my boss informed me he was leaving town and would very much appreciate it if I would stay and work on Saturday as the only other bartender is still yet slow, and not very experienced. This toppled with the fact that the, to repeat myself, aforementioned bartender had a bachelor party he needed to go to that same evening. So I went to bat for him and got him the night off, taking on the role of the sole bartender on a night that would almost certainly call for two.
Working alone on a Saturday night is not an uncommon occurrence, however with one bartender, it is usually the standard that I would have two waitstaff at my disposal. This was the case on the weekly schedule that had been lovingly secured on the tall white fridge in the back with two Iowa State magnets. However, much like communism, worked well on paper but didn't quite turn out as planned. The schedule had decreed that Mollie, one of our most outstanding waitresses, was to come in at 9pm and Rachel was to come in at 11pm. Once again quite standard. However when I arrived a few minutes before 9pm Tom, the owners son and early shift bartender, informed me of the virtual shit-storm of a situation we were in. Apparently Mollie had decided to go to Omaha to the show and have Rachel work alone, this idea had been discussed and agreed upon by both Mollie and Rachel. However it was not discussed with any form of management. You see this left two waitstaff in the whole of Ames, Lara, the early shift waitress, and Rachel.
This is somewhat of a bad situation due to the fact that Rachel is not the most efficient waitress we have, and we really should have at least two waitstaff. The situation soon soured when Tom had received a phone call from Rachel's boyfriend consisting of no less than this information, "Rachel drove her car into a ditch, shes waiting for a tow truck and shes in (Fort Dodge or Cedar Rapids or wherever the fuck she is from.) So we now have one bartender and no waitstaff. We exhaust every option, Lara is generous enough to stay late and cover, but she has to pick up her boyfriend at midnight.
Just when it seems that the shit has completely hit the fan Rachel waltzes in an hour and a half late. So now we have a bartender and a waitress. Lara clocks off and I pour her a drink. Tom informs me that Jenna a new waitress will come in and train tonight. We now have one bartender and two waitstaff. The night is looking better.
Rewind: A week ago a very attractive woman named Coleen, who frequents the bar, came in and informed me she was going out of the country for a few weeks in early July and that she would love to grab lunch with me sometime. Chalk up one lunch-date. (I use the term date loosely due to the fact that even though she flirts with me, it may very well be a simple friendly lunch rendezvous)
/end informative tangent
To my surprise two of Coleen's friends entered the bar and, due to some investigative reporting from Lara who overheard them arguing, began to talk about how "cute" I was. Apparently there was a territorial bout between the two women as to who got to flirt with me. Lara said the brunet won the faceoff, however it was the blond, Kim, who showed the most claim to me. We talked for a while, as I worked and made drinks. She and her friends drank white-russians all night and proclaimed me to be the white-russian master of the universe, I have a secret ingredient and its not just T.L.C. Once the formalities had been thrown down Kim, or Kimmy as she liked to be called, uttered these words, "You're cute, and I'm single.... are you single?" "Yes" I replied to her with an ammused smile, her forwardness and fearless attitude in the face of a possible chagrin response was quite astounding, and it wasn't due to the alcohol either. Once her auditory receptacles received the sound waves of my voice she gave me a sly smile as she sipped on her lovingly made white-russian. I continued on with my job as I had been doing all night, returning when I had the time to see how my new found friends were doing. Once I had made time to speak with her she immediately articulated, "Write down your number." I grabbed the nearest clear bar tab and scribbled down my name and number. I had told her of my "lunch-date" with her friend Coleen before this transaction had occurred, and she seemed perfectly fine with it. I told her to call me and I would take her out to lunch or dinner some night, the standard response given after a number has traded hands. She seemed delighted at this response.
Now the interesting point to all this, I'm not much into the "dating scene." I know how to be romantic, to be cordial, and how to treat a date, however I am not a big fan of putting on my best face and trying to win someone over while at my "best." I have been an actor and I know that I can sell myself to a date as anything I want to. I can talk about my exploits as a lighting designer, or as an actor, or as an engineer and doctor my dating resume as to impress said woman into a second, third, etc date. However I tend to enjoy relationships that start from a friendship, or from a spark that hits that requires you to pursue that person in order to sleep at night, not go to dinner and talk about myself and sell myself as a product to a member of the opposite sex.
I am a bit interested to see how these dates go, as both Coleen and Kim are roughly 6 years older than I am. I am 22 and I'm fairly certain they are 27-28. They went to undergrad, then graduate school in England. I went to undergrad for three years, transfered, went for another year, and now I'm "taking time off." I don't yet have a career, nor am I quite sure what direction I'm headed in, and I am under the impression that this may make for some interesting conversations. I guess I shouldn't be thinking so far ahead and simply take these for what they are. If all else fails, I will be heading back to Des Moines soon, so its not like I have anything to lose. |
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| To be expected |
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| 07:47am 21/06/2005 |
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In the true style of my desultory posting patterns and somewhat emotionally macabre posting topics this three month break from posting is right up my alley.
I feel as though a lot has changed and that my previous postings have been unfocused and random. So with this post for myself I'm going to catch myself up and sort of start anew. As a disclaimer my entries will be somewhat more expressive.
My name is Eric. I grew up in Des Moines, Iowa until I was the ripe old age of twenty-one. After this governmentally awarded freedom to consume hydroxyl derivatives of hydrocarbons also known as alcohol, I left my hometown and the University I had attended for three years in search of new knowledge in a new field. After a year at my new found "home" of Iowa State University I had discovered that this new field of Engineering was far too easy, meticulous, and lacking enough creative outlet to sate my thirst for creativity and expression, so I turned my part time job of bartending into a full time passage. It is in this position over the past year and a half that I have discovered more about my interests, my psyche, and my fellow man than I have in the myriad years that prefaced this short but advantageous tenure.
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Now to the topic of...
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In the years leading to this one I have had many hobbies, met many people, and accomplished many feats. I have been called; a nice guy, a philosopher, an actor, a viking, sweet, caring, mysterious, strange, attractive, funny-looking, a techie, a nerd, a gamer, a friend, a lover, a carpenter, an engineer, and a multifarious amount of other names to numerous to state. As a student of society, I am an astute people watcher and feel that from the observation of others' behavior I can truly find reality embedded in every living creature. This is a feat that was previously difficult to observe properly. Much like stargazing in a city, the majority of the truth of someone is masked behind the streetlights of social interaction. By going out into the country, away from the city lights and the social norms one can gaze into the eyes of someone they love and see every last star in the sky. The difficulty of the situation is, there are more people out there that prefer not to see all of the stars, and are perfectly content to listen to the lights and noises of the city and ignore the reality of the starlight. Sadly once you are able to see reality in all things it is nearly impossible to turn off. I can't stop searching for the starlight of reality and I can't stop noticing the content ones who ignore real light and worship their man-made fluorescent light.
The woman who wears just a little too much makeup, the young college student that takes body building supplements, the emotionally weak person that acts like an asshole to fool those around them, all of these things are impossible for me to ignore. It seems as though most people out there are in search of reality, but sadly most need their social norms and streetlights to guide them out into the country. Most will have to play the game, put on the makeup, spend countless hours in the gym to sculpt the perfect body type to attract a member of the opposite sex, be up to date with the current fads and bask in the glory of their own subjective reality, to accomplish the simple task of viewing the natural and true starlight that is reality. |
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| 09:51am 03/04/2005 |
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cant wait till i move back to des moines, and possibly back to drake |
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| Cryptic Entries |
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| 06:19am 21/03/2005 |
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Isn't it amazing that one person can make a ghost town seem full of life?
Isn't it also amazing that
that very same person can make it feel so
empty? |
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| Not too shabby |
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| 03:05am 18/03/2005 |
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Bacardi 151
Congratulations! You're 137 proof, with specific scores in beer (100) , wine (83), and liquor (95). |
All right. No more messing around. Your knowledge of alcohol is so high
that you have drinking and getting plastered down to a science. Sure,
you could get wasted drinking beer, but who needs all those trips to
the bathroom? You head straight for the bar and pick up that which is
most efficient. |  |
My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: | You scored higher than 69% on proof | | You scored higher than 94% on beer index | | You scored higher than 93% on wine index | | You scored higher than 95% on liquor index |
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| 05:56pm 05/10/2004 |
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fucking girls
EDIT: never mind |
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| 03:19am 27/09/2004 |
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mood:  hopeful
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it was a goooood night |
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| ZOO TRIP! |
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| 07:11am 20/09/2004 |
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after work on saturday night, alana, myself, and natalie all stopped at the truck stop as per our usual after shift meal. the three of us werent really all that tired and so we sat and talked for about 3 hours. as we were leaving alana said we should go the the omaha zoo, and i said ok. natalie was skeptical as to if we were being serious but she said yes. so we headed out at about 6:45 in the morning instead of going home to sleep.
natalie was in high spirits as she ate her corn nuts
alana was in her usual happy mood
( A Billion More Pictures ) |
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skitch182's journal
